5 Things I’ve Learned About Marriage
Marriage is one of those commitments where at times it can be one of the most beautiful experiences in your life and then at times it can feel not so great. I love my marriage and I feel like I have one of the best marriages in the world. With that being said, married life isn’t easy and its going to take a lot of work from both sides to turn it into a great marriage.
My wife and I have been married going on 4 years. So no, I am not an expert on how to have a successful marriage, but these 5 things are what I’ve learned over the past 4 years and they have been absolutely critical to make our marriage what it is today.
- Communication
Now this one probably seems like a no brainer. I mean who just doesn’t talk to their spouse? Well it’s a lot more than just speaking about non-sense. Communication was a HUGE eye opener for me. I’ve always been super non-confrontational and how I used to deal with issues is to retreat from it or just simply forget and move on.
My wife, being the angel that she is, was the exact opposite. If an issue surfaced she was ready to tackle the situation, talk it out, and figure out a solution. So naturally when conflict arose between us, it made our arguments worse because I was ready to retreat and forget what happened, while she was ready to talk and figure it out.
Not only during arguments is it imperative to communicate, but you really need to be able to talk to your spouse about your feelings and what’s going on with you on the inside. All my life I have been reserved and bottled lots of my emotions up, which is bad because eventually with enough pressure that bottle explodes.
It was hard for me to talk about my feelings with my wife. Simply because I had never done that before, and I didn’t know how. We have spent many nights after an argument talking about how we are feeling and what needs to change in order for us to overcome what is bothering us.
You have to learn how to talk about your feelings and the arguments that you and your spouse have (and you’re gonna have them). My wife was very patient with me and I’m thankful she stuck by me while we learned how to communicate.
2. Selflessness
YOU CANNOT HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IF YOU ARE SELFISH. Read that one again, and read it some more if you need to. Marriage is between two people. TWO. Your marriage will never last if it is one-sided. It’s a lot of give and take.
You have to make important decisions together, talk about finances together, what you’re going to eat for dinner, what show on Netflix you’re going to watch. If only one person in your marriage is making all the decisions, it’s letting the other half feel out of the loop and less important.
Don’t assume that your spouse is going to cook dinner or put away the laundry. Show them you care for them and help out with whatever they need. A marriage united will stand, but a marriage divided will fall.
3. Honesty
Almost everyone on this planet has been told, “I would much rather you tell me the truth right now, than for you to lie to me”. And if you haven’t heard that, you’re probably lying. I learned the hard way in my marriage about honesty. There were times where I wasn’t being honest about things and it almost ruined my marriage.
The times I would get caught up in it, instead of telling the truth about it, I lied. It’s a dark stain on our marriage and it’s something that we’ve had to work through for a very long time. I’m not going to go into details about what happened, but creating distrust is something that I regret more than anything. (To clarify, we have never been unfaithful to one another.. we just haven’t always been so honest).
My wife is all about some honesty. One time she had done something and instead of me finding out on my own, she willingly told me the truth. As much as it shocked me to find out, I was glad that it was her.
Point is, we are going to mess up and do something stupid one day. Don’t lie about it or try to cover it up. Own it and be honest with your spouse, it’ll help in your marriage tremendously.
4. Forgiveness
Like I said in the beginning, marriage is one of the most beautiful experiences you can ever feel. Unfortunately, it’s not always sunshine and roses. You are going to be hurt, whether that by something someone did to you, broke your trust, something hurtful being said, or using things against you.
My wife and I are both guilty of doing things that hurt each other. And by communicating, we realized the error of our actions and from there we seek forgiveness for what we had done.
Choosing not to forgive your spouse allows whatever they might have done or said, to keep pushing itself in and trying to ruin your marriage. And it’s easy to always bring up what someone did that hurt you in an argument.
Without forgiveness in your marriage, you will completely miss out on things that you might experience in the future. By holding on to the things that hurt you, nothing can be resolved, and you’ll always feel bitter towards your spouse. I know it’s easier said than done, but it really is better for forgive and then always communicate with what you are feeling.
5. Love
I know what you’re probably thinking with this last one. Well obviously you’re going to marry the person you love most. You are absolutely right. But too many times I’ve seen people getting married, and then after a few years call it quits and move onto the next one.
I think the problem with why so many people are getting divorced now-a-days is because they grow tired of who they’re with and it doesn’t seem all that exciting anymore.
We are always trying out new things. Whether that’s trying new food that we never thought we would eat or going to a concert, or even something simple as going to a park or on a hike on some far off trail.
Doing these new experiences together will always give you something to talk about or learn something new about your spouse that you might not have already known. The more things you do together, the closer that you’ll become and you won’t want to spend your time with anyone else.
Also, try to have fun with each other. Life is short, and it’s not always so serious as people make it out to be. One day we aren’t going to be here. So why not take the time to laugh and enjoy each other’s company?
We’ve been together a little over 5 years, and we’ve spent every waking moment with each other. We had spent one day apart, and we both didn’t feel good about it. We hated it. We couldn’t wait for that day to be over so we can be back home with one another.
That’s how you’ll know that you have a good marriage. When you can’t stand the fact that the person you love, isn’t around you, and you just can’t wait to see them again.
Like I said, I am no expert in giving marriage advice and every marriage is different. All I know is that these 5 things have been the biggest eye openers to me, and understanding these has helped my wife and I through our marriage and continue to grow with each other.
